Republicans: Top 10 Things they will Never Admit

The Republican party; the party of Lincoln, the party of fiscal conservatism, the party of sexual constipation and fascist evangelism, hell bent on world domination of the earth’s natural and man-made resources.

The Top 10 Things Republicans will Never Admit:

10. That poor people are human beings. Hurricane Katrina hits New Orleans, televised images of visibly shaken and frustrated political leaders, and of residents who remained in New Orleans without water, food or shelter, and the deaths of several citizens by thirst, exhaustion, and violence days after the storm itself had passed.

9. Parents were Klan members. Senator Trent Lott, In the 1990s, Lott spoke at five separate meetings of the Council of Conservative Citizens, a hate group that routinely describes blacks as “genetically inferior”, calls gays and lesbians “perverted sodomites”, and complains that immigrants are making the US a “slimy brown mass of glop”.

8. Would like to eat pig feet and watermelon on the White House lawn. Not such a big deal eating pork, but the racial overture of eating watermelon on the White House lawn while the largest population of blacks has NO VOTING representation in Congress may cause another riot.

7. Concede that Sarah Palin is a Moron. Wouldn’t vote for her, wouldn’t buy her book, but, I think Sarah Palin is Hot. It really gives me a “woodie”,  just thinking that my woman can accurately shoot an intruder, while I sleep off a hang over. Sarah Palin has a bright political future?  Well, as long as she stays away from that bitch Katie Couric.

6. Think Hilary Rodham Clinton is Hot. Why do you think they hired Kenneth Starr to investigate the “fo shizzle the jizzle my nizzle”  on Monica Lewinsky’s dress?  They were secretly pissed that former President Bill Clinton would embarrass Hilary like that in front of the American people. [Give Props on the photo by Photoshop Pix]

5. To having Sex while in office. Former Republican Senator from Idaho, Larry Craig, was charged with soliciting a homosexual act in a bathroom stall in the state of Minnesota. Caught with his pants down, he said he “overreacted and made a poor decision” in pleading guilty to disorderly conduct after his arrest.  “Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been,” said Craig, who has aligned himself with conservative groups who oppose gay rights. Obviously, Craig does not discriminate and believes in equality when it comes to blow jobs.

4. Were invited and ate in a black person’s house. [Not the White House] Condolezza Rice doesn’t cook, she’s into talking dirty in Russian,  playing the piano and flossing her front teeth. However, rumors have surfaced that she has made a Taco for former President George W. Bush. It’s mind boggling to think that an articulate, talented and successful black woman would have Jungle Fever instead of Waiting to Exhale.

3. Their first pick-up truck smelled like pig sh*t. Massachusetts has traditionally been home to many sedan-loving Democrats, but after Brown ran ads showing his gleaming greeen pickup on the campaign trail with no Mexicans in the back, he cruised to victory over Democratic incumbent Martha Coakey. The Truck, appears to have struck a chord deep in Massachusetts, truck dealerships are experiencing a surge of customer interest. Brown is the first Republican politician to actually do something in support of Obama’s Stimulus Package.

2. Took a girlfriend to an Abortion Clinic in College. I avoid religion like the plague, this is one topic that will influence the American people to do, say and lose their civility and kill , make racially charge remarks and start wars to prove that their religion is the right religion. For the record, atheists hate the Republican Party more than the Democratic Party.

1. Have relatives on Welfare. Probably not, but if you are not rich they will surely place one of your relatives on welfare with deep cuts in education, healthcare and social programs while cutting taxes for large corporations that ship American jobs overseas.

And, if you do not volunteer [an American patriot] to have bullets flying over your head or bombs exploding up your ass, you will soon find yourself standing in line for a check while they scare you to death of colored people.  After my education benefits were cut, I was the recipient of a pay raise while serving Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H. Bush [Grenada, Panama, Desert Storm].

Update: Razor Lip is an equal opportunity smart ass publication, if you are a supporter of the Democratic Party, be advised that the Top Ten Things Democrats will Never Admit has been published.

Tagged as: condolezza rice, hilary clinton, republican, republican party, sarah palin, scott brown, top 10 list